May 2013
clumsyoctopus:
flower language has always been an intense source of disappointment for me
like, they all mean really generic things like “love” or “forever” or “i’m sorry”
i thought you could combine flowers
like you could just send someone a bouquet and from the combination of hibiscus and posies and tulips they’d understand “the rebel leader is dead, rendezvous at the docks at 8, bring the...
involvingmeinvolvingyou:
If you wanna be my lover
You’ve gotta throw huge parties to get my attention and get your neighbor to invite me over for tea then let me run over my husband’s mistress in your car
egberts:
svvitzerland:
egberts:
svvitzerland:
svvitzerland:
What is the opposite of a restaurant?
a workaurant
i hope you get arrested for this joke
i think i need to get arworked
royal-high:
a kid from my school just got expelled today for pretending to be russian for 8 months. he pretended he couldn’t read, write or talk english he did good in all his classes because he had all the teachers and principles convinced he just moved from russia, so they didn’t make him do any work
doglets:
sext: sorry just got this text haha. do u still have a boner?
thernardier:
“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes
kushdrinker:
i need to do a sex
thepresidentsshoelaces:
obamasdaughter:
eiffelstower:
pizza:
hey i like your shoelaces
thanks i stole them from the president
wtf where are my dads shoelaces
I’m here
sadillite:
all i do is sit around and eat and be sad im basically a more annoying version of a plant
tiger-lilies-and-tortelini:
*clinks glass* i’d like to make a toast. *puts bread in toaster*
meladoodle:
monkeysgoingcrazy:
meladoodle:
let your baby drive the car when you’re drunk, the cop won’t give a baby a fine
the cop will just walk over to the other side of the car and hand you the ticket
not if you have another baby on the otherside too. cover all your bases man.
friendly reminder that:
you are not weak if you want meds for your disorder
you are not weak if you relapse once
you are not weak if you relapse a thousand times
you are not weak if some kinds of therapy don’t work for you
you are not weak if some kinds of meds don’t work for you
you are not weak if you have a mental disorder.
familyfriendlyurl:
kevandrew:
familyfriendlyurl:
look im not saying bread is poison but my ghrandma choked to death oin bread. bread KILLED her. so if breads not poison, what is.
A list of Deadly poisons
-Botulinum
-Anthrax
-Ricin
-Sarin
-Cyanide
-Strychnine
-Amatoxin and
-poison hemlock
These are poisons…not bread (i hope)
this is tumblr.com not im a fucking Nerd.com. maybe you...
lizziefaguire:
foxnewsofficial:
everyone on here is horny u need to concentrate on ur studies
concentrate on getting up those d’s if u know what i mean
riceslut:
I GOOGLED EGG PHOBIA AND
wallygraysonwest:
my theater teacher has this hanging above his desk
heckboy:
“You’re depressed because you don’t have God in your life”
catswithbenefits:
catswithbenefits:
why did the road cross the chicken?
[TUMBLR GOLD MEMBERSHIP REQUIRED TO VIEW JOKE]
aoisasahina:
WHA TS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEER NUTS AND DEER NUTS
BEER N UTS COST $1.99 AND DEER NUTS ARE UND ER A BUCK
fffcuk:
bettywhite4ever:
fffcuk:
it snew today
i think i just busted vein from laughing so hard what the hell is snew an actual word
the post that ruined my life
sydthe-sloth:
Bill Cosby dresses up as his favorite character
Bill Cosplay
Watchcliterallysame:
this is my favorite video on this website
